Better Half

Family, Life, and Politics from Wifey

Why I’m Called For This…(and you are too) March 1, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — raitking @ 4:16 am

If you know me, you know it’s no secret that I’m not the stereotypical Pastor’s Wife.  I don’t dress conservatively, I don’t speak softly, I’m not politically correct, etc.  No knock on those who do, I’m just saying, it’s not me.

Because of this I have struggled for years now to understand WHY God put Shaun and I together.  I have often thought it was either a mistake or a joke on God’s part (well the mistake would have been on Shaun…not God).  I mean we love each other, make pretty babies, and have a good time as a couple and family.  All that makes sense.  It’s the whole “Pastor” part that has had me stumped.  Well, he fits as a pastor (sort of), but I don’t (or at least didn’t) as a pastor’s wife.

Or so I’ve thought.

But God has shown me something over the past few weeks. He has shown me exactly why I am actually called to this, and how it wasn’t a cruel joke nor a mistake.

I risk the appearance of arrogance with the rest of this post.  But trust me, this isn’t boasting.  All that I am I am because HE made me so.  I have no illusions about that!

A few Sundays ago, I was doing what seems to be a trend these days- running around doing 50 different things.  This is what that particular Sunday looked like:


*Got up at 6:30am

*Got myself together, and ironed clothes for all 4 kids + Shaun (b/c otherwise he’s content to go wrinkled.  Normally I allow it, b/c I don’t have time to care, but not on Sundays…lol)

*Printed a sign-in sheet and note cards for a class we have at Courageous called “Next Steps”

*Packed up rice krispie treats, butter, and beads for a project taking place at Courageous Kids

*Woke up the rest of the house, got everyone dressed, did 5 sets of hair

*Fed the kids a light breakfast (b/c they eat at Church thanks to free breakfast), packed a milk cup and diapers for Savannah

*Got everyone in the car (tough all by itself- making sure everyone has the right everything of what they’re supposed to have), and arrived at church by 8:30

*Got to church, dropped off the sign in sheet and note cards, found pens and put them in the classroom, checked on the Next Steps teacher to make sure he was squared away

*Checked the kids into Children’s Ministry

*Realized I forgot to print something one of the teachers needed, ran to the computer room to do so

*Noticed praise and worship for children’s ministry was not going so well (the kids are normally a little slow-moving at the first service); Sooo, I took off my blazer and hills, cranked up the music, and proceeded to jump around and dance like a crazy person until every child got into it!

*Sweating, I put my blazer back on, went to the infant room to check on Savannah, sat and talked with the moms in there for a minute, then ran downstairs to do about 10 more things…


As I was standing at the elevator I clearly felt the Holy Spirit speak to me. ” This is why I chose you to do this with him.  This is why you’re a pastor’s wife.”

Not because I’m sweet (polite, and nice maybe), not because I’m just as passionate about saving the world as Shaun is (I’m not), not because I say the right things (I don’t), wear the right clothes, not because I’m the prettiest (close, but no cigar 😉

…but BECAUSE not every woman can teach Next Steps, help with children’s ministry, run small groups, sing on the praise team, serve on the lead team, take care of home AND stay sane at the same time.

Since that Sunday, I’ve begun to approach my role with a confidence I didn’t possess before.  My strengths may not be traditional or obvious, but with the gifts God has given me, I make it “do what it do”..lol.  And so CAN, so DO YOU!!

Whatever it is God called you to, know that it wasn’t by accident nor happenstance.  Whatever you need is already in you, or will be soon!

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29 Responses to “Why I’m Called For This…(and you are too)”

  1. Mary Leahy Says:

    Cool. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Cheronda Says:

    Thank u so much for sharing. I was so struggling and asking God why in the world lead me to Charlotte, NC to meet the this awesome Pastor couple and then have me(crazy, loud, not the typical christian as I see in my eyes) lead praise and worship. However Iove the praise and worship of God it is where I find my peace and allow God to enter in. I’m doing what God has for me. Thank u Rai for sharing. Miss my Courageous family.

  3. Thank you for sharing. I’ve struggled for 5 years with my role as a pastor’s wife & we’re associates, not lead pastors. To know there is someone who sounds a lot like me in schedule and whatnot is very encouraging.

    • raitking Says:

      Sometimes being the associate pastor’s wife can be just as difficult. I was once a staff pastor’s wife, and often it was a great deal of work with little of the “glory.” It’s often the associates that make the church run, while the senior pastor serves as the main teacher and visionary. As an associate pastor’s wife, you can be overlooked, stepped on, taken advantage of, and under-appreciated. So the pressure is certainly there. Just keep playing to that audience of 1. Be who God tells you to be, do what He tells you to do. You can’t go wrong that way!

  4. Allison Says:

    I needed to read this. Thank you so much. 🙂

  5. Shannon Says:

    What an encouragement! I needed that this morning, because I do find myself sayin “Really, God?! Me?” Nice to know that I am not the only one. I am proclaiming that your new theme song is “Superwoman” by Alicia Keys. What you do is incredible. I just had a conversation with my mom yesterday about relationships, and wondering who God has for me. I just told my Mom that there was no way I could be a pastor’s wife, and her reply was that God has already strengthened and equipped me for whomever comes along (especially if it is a pastor). She seems to see something in me that I don’t, like mothers often do. 🙂

  6. Tonya Says:

    Thank you for this. It help to get me back on track. I always appreciate your transparency. See you soon

  7. DisneyCyndi Says:

    Rai, sounds like some of my Sunday mornings minus the small people stuff. Hey, at least you don’t have to iron dress shirts!

  8. Thank you for your transparency. This was very encouraging for people to realize they may not have a “traditional” ministry/calling, but their gifts and abilities and still needed in the body of Christ. I believe if more people understood their God-given uniqueness may not be intended for what has been traditional ministry positions, they would be on the path to finding their true calling – whether in the church or in the marketplace. “Ministry Misfits” of the world unite! LOL!

    Blessings,
    Paul Wilson, Jr.

    • raitking Says:

      I had to come to this realization about my “ministry” calling. For the longest I thought I was called to “preach.” That’s because that’s the only way I understood full-time ministry. It took one speaking engagement to show me that was not the case…lol. Now I understand what God meant all those years ago when He told me He wanted me to serve in ministry. It wasn’t at all what I thought. It was such a relief to let go of what I thought I was supposed to be doing to do what God actually called me to. There’s such peace in that!

  9. suzqf Says:

    I’m thinking it is even bigger than that…
    I am thinking that your husband would not be the man that he is without you… you bring something to him that he needed to make him the man and the pastor that he is… I was given a vision one day.. of a silk tent.. and me and the man God created me for were lying inside and God says to me that I am the pole/columns that hold the tent up… while the man is the tent itself… protecting me from the sun and the rain… as great as you see your husband is as a pastor… you are that great as the pastor’s wife… because you were made specifically for him… as great as he is…

    you are who God says you are… you will do what God says you will do.. you will be what God says you will be… even on the days it doesn’t feel like it…

    you are a blessing to people who don’t even know you… as well as those that depend on you… little people and big people alike… be blessed… coming in and going out…

  10. Laura Says:

    Thank you so much for that! I’m not a pastor’s wife, but I am a stay-at-home wife and mother of 4. Most days are long and filled with many things that need to be done for both my husband and my children, but God’s grace allows me to get through the days successfully.

    And I’m with suzqf, you bring something to your husband that he needs to make him the man/husband/pastor that he is…honestly, all wives that submit themselves to God and His will have the ability to do just that.

  11. Alida Says:

    Thanks so much for sharing this!

  12. Valerie Says:

    Rai, this post is refreshing. I loved that you said about not being as passionate as Shaun is about saving the world – that was priceless. It shows that you are comfortable in your own skin.

    BTW, I think it is refreshing when I see pastor’s wives who are casual and comfortable. I’ve seen enough “church lady” outfits to last me a lifetime.

    • raitking Says:

      LOL…when I go “home” to Kentucky, I realize that I miss the church lady outfits (a little bit). Sometimes I wonder if we’ve gotten too casual. There’s a fine line between “come as you are” and “come any kind of way.” LOL

  13. Melody Says:

    So glad I found your blog tonight. I loved this post…thank you so much. I laughed out loud at some of your comments. I hope ya’ll have a great Sunday tomorrow!

  14. Great post!

    We live in a day where the not so stereotypical role fits the role. Who thought a black guy would be president? (well… being the optimist that I am, I was faithful that it was possible but the question was when would it happen?)

    I can’t help but think that a shy timid, sit on the front row and smile type of first lady could do all the things that you did at church on that Sunday morning I gotta tell ya. It’s possible but my imagination isn’t conjuring it up right about now! 🙂 lol

    I’m reminded of the movie “Lean On Me” at the beginning where Morgan Freeman’s character, Joe Clark, was talking to the parents after kicking their kids out of the school. And he said something to the effect that When he first got called to that school, he saw the lightening flashing, he heard the thunder rolling and he asked God, why me? (we won’t say the next line but) the point He made was, when he got called the Lord told him to do everything he can to change that school and he didn’t say “Joe be nice!,” he said “Do whatever is necessary to make the change.”

    Sometimes you have to roll up your sleeves, or in your case take off your blazer and heels and do whatever is necessary to make a change in the environment which in your case you did and that’s why you are called!!!

    I love yours and your husband’s blog and I wanted to let you know that I’m reading!! You guys inspire me!

  15. Raluca Says:

    Amen! Thank you for this amazing post!

  16. LeeElla Says:

    Thank you for your honesty and encouragement. I feel you… more than you know. Sometimes the pace of my life as a pastor’s wife, mother of 4, church bookkeeper and secretary, music team director, worship leader, Sunday morning troubleshooter, Admitting Rep at a local hospital 4 days a week, and sometimes friend to a few…can be exhausting! Frequently I am painfully aware that I am not able to give my best to all these areas, but I give what I have, and am learning that is all I am required to do: my best for that day. Being raised a pastor’s daughter, I have also struggled to push aside the “definition” of a traditional pastor’s wife – one I too, do not fit in this very well. More and more, I am finding the freedom to just BE WHO I AM, confident that the Lord has not made a mistake on who I am, or where I am at this season. So…thank you for echoing the same lessons that He is showing me. God bless you with strength and rest in your journey.
    LeeElla

    • raitking Says:

      Wow! You have quite the load as well. I think as women’s roles are changing, so is the role of the typical pastor’s wife. These days we tend to be more vocal and involved than our predecessors. I think pastoring has always been a team effort, it was just more behind the scenes on the wife’s part. Now though, I think people of this generation have come to expect more of a “two for one” deal from their church leaders.

  17. Rebecca Says:

    Rai, I have twin sons and am still working full time as a classroom teacher. I look at other people who have more children than me, and I wonder how they hold it together! I’m so amazed and inspired by women like you, who are able to do so much so well. I’m working to balance being wife, mother, primary bread winner, and friend. It’s a big struggle for me right now. I appreciate your thoughts and honesty about this!

    • raitking Says:

      In most ways being a mother is the same challenge if you have 2, 4, or 5. We’re all trying to balance 50 responsibilities while giving our husbands and children all that they need as well. It’s daunting! We’re constantly spinning plates like some crazy circus act. What I think is important to remember though, is that it’s ok to drop a few. The house will not always be clean. As a matter of fact, if my downstairs is clean, upstairs is probably a mess, and vice versa. Rarely can I put together two well organized weeks of school where we cover ever subject, every day. And I can only get a home cooked meal on the table every other night. You get my point. I drop a few plates every now and then, but everyone gets cleaned, fed, and educated….eventually. LOL!

  18. This is very powerful. Thank you for sharing. There was once this year as my husband was preaching that I realized, “Oh, I’m a preacher’s wife.” Both of us are ministers and many times, especially at the beginning of our marriage, I was preaching and speaking. Since then, I realize that marriage and marriages in ministry is a “mystery” of God in which God enters in and does great miracles. Your writing here confirmed and affirmed this and makes me rejoice at just how God puts us together for the work of the kindom and for love in the earth. Thank you for this. God bless!


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