Better Half

Family, Life, and Politics from Wifey

A Stay At Homer? March 14, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — raitking @ 5:20 pm


I am a working girl…not that kind of working girl….a highly respectable, legal one.  I have had a job since I was 16 years old.  I’ve always liked having my own money to do with it what I pleased.  My mother was a single mom who worked hard, but didn’t have any left over to shell out for the things a teenage girl wants (clothes, dates, etc.).  So as soon as I was old enough, I got a job, and have had one ever since.

Well now I am married to a slob (sorry honey, but it’s true), and now have 4 very messy kids.  I have strict standards about how my family eats, and like to keep them involved in a variety of activities.  Each of them has a set of doctor’s appointments that have to be kept up with, as well as birthday parties and play dates.  I say all that to say that I now have a new job…MOM IN CHIEF (term borrowed from Michelle Obama).  I never knew it, but it takes a CEO to manage a household.  And I’ve also come to realize that I am that CEO.

I knew when I was pregnant with Savannah that it would be nearly impossible for me to go back to work as well as handle my responsibilities here at home.  So Shaun and I talked and planned on me staying at home with the small kids (Ezekiel-2 and Savannah-newborn) for the next couple of years. At the time of the discussion I was very pregnant and very tired, and the demands of my job were wearing on me.  So the idea of not working outside the home sounded like heaven.  I looked forward to it.

But now it’s here.  I’ve been home since December…that’s about 3 months now…and I think I’m going crazy.  Not really…but I do miss my job! Even though I taught 1st grade, I miss being around adults-my co-workers.

I miss waking up early in the morning with a sense of purpose and determination to be the best teacher around.

I miss getting dressed up in a stylish outfit with really high heels.

I actually miss fighting traffic to get to work on time.

I miss walking down the school corridor to my classroom, turning on the lights, and preparing the room for the day.

I miss making copies for the week and planning activities that I knew my kids would be excited about.

I miss the challenge of disciplining other people’s children and instilling in them lessons to guide them through life…

and most of all, I miss my paycheck…

I REALLY miss my job!!

But the reality is that we can’t afford a nanny, and I can’t bring myself to put my little bitty baby in daycare (I know for some it has to be done).  And we also can’t afford a personal assistant, so it’s up to me to manage the appointments, school projects, etc.

Here’s the thing though, I don’t like doing it, and I’m not even that good at it.  There is always laundry to be done, all of my house is never clean at the same time, I still can’t find the time to be an expert coupon clipper, and most of all, I’m bored! There is nothing exciting about folding and putting away laundry.  I’ve tried.  Even doing it to music doesn’t help.

I’m only happy when I’m outside of the house: playing with Eze at the Children’s Museum, teaching him the names of the fish at the Aquarium, finger painting at his Gymboree art class, etc.

So I’m wondering if the stay at home thing is just not for me? Or maybe I’m looking at it wrong.  I had to learn how to be a teacher, so maybe I have to learn how to be a MOM IN CHIEF as well?  Is it possible that I wasn’t born with it?  That having kids and a husband didn’t automatically qualify me to know how to do it well?  Could there be a learning curve?  Here’s a question you could help me answer:

Is being a stay at homer about housework or nurturing kids?


6 Responses to “A Stay At Homer?”

  1. estherowens Says:


    reading this post really made me smile because I went and still going through the same thing. Before I married Lloyd I was a corporate recruiter and even landed with a Supervisory position(that was God!). After we got married, we decided that I would stay at home and I felt just like you are feeling right now. No matter how much I clean and do laundry, I still have more to clean and more dirty clothes to wash. Finally, I prayed and told God to bless me the “housewife anointing”(LOL, I was serious too) because I just did not feel like I was doing a good job, and sometimes did not want to be a stay at homer, period.

    In Esther’s opinion a stay at homer is someone who is at home with the little one’s and making the house a comfortable environment for everyone. The worst thing to do is trying to be like other housewives. Ask God to show Rai how to be a stay at homer that would work for you and your family.

    I was starting to get a grasp on being at home and actually LOVING IT when a friend approach me with an opportunity to work from home. You know I jumped on it! Now, I am not as available to my children like I want to be. I decided to only do it on a part time basis.

    It’s going to be OK, it’s a process. Some women are born with that ability some has to learn it…like myself. Hang in there girl…

  2. estherowens Says:

    check out There is a free book you can download with instructions on how to save money with coupons. Once you sign up, they will send you coupons on a weekly basis.

    • raitking Says:

      Thanks Esther. I use this sight already. Except I can’t figure out how to print the coupons in black and white instead of color?

  3. Kristy Says:

    Rai, I think every mom goes through this. It’s hard to stay home, there is so much that tells us this job is not that important. After all they pay daycare workers minumum wage and I’ve given up my multi-$K job to change diapers and do laundry. I can’t say it gets easier-for me it goes up and down. Some days I’m confident that I’ve made the right decision for my kids and there are other days that completely wear me out and it would be easier to go to work and let someone else raise my kids.

    We should have a playdate-Ricky and EZ would love each other.

    • raitking Says:

      Hey Kristy! I didn’t know you were home too. Yes, we should indeed get the boys together for a play date. Wanna shoot for next week sometime?

  4. Sharon Says:

    Hey Rai!

    Ohmygoodness, I’m not crazy by myself! I know this is late, but I’ve become a stay at home against my will. I was downsized recently and my son is in Pre-K. He’s my only one (I know, I know, what am I complaining about), but he doesn’t go to aftercare anymore (we can’t afford it) so I have him most of the day. Before that, I’m kind of…bored. The novelty of being at home long enough to decorate/clean/organize wore off after about three days and I’m LOSING it! I want to go back to work! Then, I feel guilty; should I want so badly to get out of the house? Shouldn’t I want to stay at home with my kids??? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE spending more time with Dylan. I just miss that sense of purpose and organization having a steady job gives you.

    I dunno…I admit I’ve been afraid to even ask God about this one. I know He’s like, “C’mon now, woman. You know we need to talk about this…’

    Anywho, it’s just nice to know I’m not the only one who’s not so willing to wear the Super-Stay-At-Home cape all the time. 🙂


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